Being A Dad

I always wanted a dad but didn't have one, I had an absentee father. A dad is very precious to children especially to little girls, they love being the apple of their daddy's eyes, I wonder all the time what must that feel like, I would give anything to experience that unconditional love, and acceptance. I use to look at Stevie Wonder when he sang the song "Isn't she lovely" and the pride, passion, love, and joy came pouring out of his heart for his baby girl. He celebrated his baby's arrival, this precious bundle of joy in a big way by paying tribute to the blessing God gave him with this song. The world embrace his joy and happiness and express it in sales of his album, the song was very nice and catchy, it brings a smile to your face, you can't help but join in with the song and connect with him as a dad honoring his precious daughter, I used to wish I had a dad who would love me that much but that ship has sailed and docked.

I admire and respect any man who welcome their children with open arms and a loving heart, a man who would not trade being a dad for the world even though things might be challenging. Unfortunately there are men out there that don't really enjoy being a dad but some are willing to be a father, and the rest - oh well! what can I say, they give men a bad reputation in the parent department.

When some men hear this statement from their wife or significant other "I am pregnant" his first response is usually shock, then the true character of that man comes forth in his next response in regards to how he handles the situation, this will tell the story to come. There are a variety of reactions he might display, such as: excitement/joy/celebration, uncertainty, anger, detachment/cold/impersonal. If his reaction is one of excitement that tells me he is on board with the pregnancy and he will welcome his child lovingly, if its uncertainty this tells me that he is not sure he is ready to be a father or he might be wondering if this is his child, trying to find a way out so to speak, if its anger, he definitely do not want any part of being a father, commitment phobic probably and if it is detachment or being impersonal it telling me he do not know how to express emotions- he is probably selfish and he will be a no show.

I never had a father in the sense of him being there for me but i had a biological father meaning the most he was were a sperm donor, I think it's what they call a "dead beat dad" today so I can mostly elaborate on the negative side of not having the presence of a father, I know I cant state personally what it's like to have your father becomes your dad. I have been witness to both sides (father and dads) so I have a pretty good perception of the relationships pros and cons, there is nothing like being the apple of your dad's eyes especially for little girls. There are two levels of fatherhood, one is being a father and the other is being a dad. There is a distinct difference between the two, This is my father- you are saying this is the man that gave me life and we have a relationship of sort, but when you say this is my dad- you are saying that this is my special someone who is close and endearing to me, he's there for me in every way shape and form. When I hear the word "dad" it evokes  a soft, fuzzy, and warm feeling but when I hear "father" it evoke the felling of distance, a lacking of some sort.

What is a Father?

To me a father is a person who help create life and he plays the role of a father fulfilling his responsibilities but with none or slight involvement in the nurturing of the child. There is usually an absence of emotional connection to his child, to what degree depends on that man and his values as well as his priorities. A father is a man who is stuck in traditions and refuses to change, its his way or the highway irregardless of what his right and needed for his child. Examples of this scenario would be a father who is always too busy to spend quality time with his children because of business or he impose his desires or views unto his children and never acknowledging them as an individual, or a father who is wealthy and controlling, he dominates his kids with his money in place of affection and love. The worst of this type of a father would be a molester or an abuser leaving their children to live in constant fear, This type of a situation bonding was lost in the schemes of things and it makes for an uncomfortable way of life; probably one fill with arguments, resentfulness, anger, and rebellion on the side of the child as they grow, this is not to say they do not love their father but they long for the closeness and attention of the man who they look up to and want to emulate in life.

Life for these children as teenagers are very rough because they tend to act out, they are maladjusted, insecure from rejection, and their sense of value is shot. Some act out externally being trouble makers or living life on the edge others suffer internally, they keep things in to themselves, they retreat into a mental prison and this is where you will see increase thoughts of suicide, cutting or self mutilation which is very sad. A child live what they learn and it's a very hard challenge in life to overcome those types of adversities.

Transition:

To move from a father into a dad is a step up to a higher level, this role calls for total immersion of yourself to be poured into another person, you are now transferring life long values, memories and teachings into precious cargo. One must become selfless investors and invest in your children lives, fathers are not nurturers but dads are, so do not be afraid to step up and man up because you are fostering an everlasting and productive relationship in which you should be proud and you will reap the rewards of being a loving dad, mentor and friend. Dad memories are very precious, if you have the opportunity to watch a child face or expression when they talk about their father as a father in comparison to a father being a dad it is like night and day.

Characteristics of a Dad:

A dad love unconditionally, discipline, set standards, encourage, motivates, is supportive, he' a teacher, counselor, mentor, communicator, not afraid to show his emotions, strong, dependable, helpful, fully committed to his child and family, brings unity to his household, is a leader, knows how to be humble, he's self sacrificing and trustworthy, a man of honor and integrity, he is their protector, he keeps his children safe from all harm and danger as much as possible at all times.

What is a Dad?

A dad is a man who you are not afraid to be vulnerable around, A dad knows his child likes and dislikes, a dad knows when to speak and when to be quiet, he knows when to hold you and when to let you go, he will comfort you when you are down or sad, he will celebrate you at all times as a person and in the time of your triumph and special milestones in your life , he is a constant voice in your ear through out life- your life navigator, one who appreciate you in words and deeds, a dad is a very proud parent and he will go to the end of the earth and back for you. A dad is a person you enjoy talking with, sharing things with and being around, a dad knows how to be a friend as well as a dad. God bless all the dads out there that are being dads, you are well appreciated.