Making A Difference In Your Life

There are many things in this world that we have no control over and we cannot change, and there are equally as many things that we do have some type of control over and can change, so I would like to explore some of these things with you.

When I got this title and started to writ it, I was put in remembrance of this prayer called the “Serenity Prayer” which states “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

Many of us have things about ourselves and our lives that we do not like, and we complain a lot about these matters instead of doing something constructive and productive about the situation. The things you can and cannot change have one common denominator, and that is your mindset, your mind is where changes start and the battles are won. Your goal throughout this process will be to maintain self respect, have satisfaction and fulfillment, and have a peace of mind within yourself.

These are things that are a part of life and you cannot change them but you can make a difference by doing things that will improve yourquality of life. We will focus on a few of these things and see how we can bring about improvement to these areas of our lives, some things we can’t change is our Family, Looks, Height, Disease, Past, People, and Poverty.

No one have a choice in which family you are born in or which parents you are born to, what you get is what you have for life. Whatever the chaotic situation in your family, whether it is death, divorce, sickness, financial pressures, relational problems, physical, emotional abuse, or substance abuse, there will be turmoil. These sudden changes can and most often bring about a division in the family and the end results is usually discord, because these problems usually have a lot of deep seeded issues that have to be addressed and work through.

While your mind is processing the situation you have to ask yourself two very important questions, and they are; what do I do with this new situation? And how do I handle it?

This is where being adaptable, flexible and versatile comes into play, instead of staying in that state of confusion or disarray, and falling prey to all the negative emotions that will erupt from these life changing events, you have to dig deep within yourself for the courage to fight.   

 If your family is nice, cohesive, and you have no real major worries, you are blessed and your choices will be relatively easy. However if you are born into a dysfunctional family, life is a bit more complicated and difficult; nevertheless you are still blessed, although you might not think so.

Let’s say your family has a history of drug abuse and it has drained down the generational line, and you are caught in the frenzy of living a life of being on drugs. You cannot change the previous generation, but you now have the opportunity to change the present situation for yourself and for your future generation if you choose to act wisely, and do not continue down the same path of destruction as they did.

God is giving you the opportunity to be the light in that family and bring forth strength in you that you would not have known you had unless you underwent certain adversities, your choices now may be more difficult because of the complexity of dealing with a mind altering substance that robs you of having good judgment, and a fulfilling life. When going through, you do not want to get stuck into “pity party” mode, where you wallow and whine about things that is coming up against you, by being fixated on the famous question,  why me? This will only serve to bring you down more because you are now focusing on the negative, in this state you will be playing the blame game and the only thing this will bring is self pity which will keep you further away from taking responsibility, and being accountable for the things you do and the things you need to change. 

To beak this continual never ending circle of living a drug infested life you have to have a mind adjustment, else you will end up in depression land or quack city, in any case the end result will be medication city which will defeat the purpose of trying to be drug free.

I know you will be hurting, feeling frustrated, rejected, abandoned, and unloved as you try and crawl out of the valley of despair, but you have to deal with the hand that you were dealt. I am not saying by no means that your journey will be easy or short, and that you will not have yourself a good cry or even venture in to a pity party mode, but the thing to do is not to stay there, realize what’s going on and make the responsible choice to leave the party.

Your mindset will set you apart because your actions will require total commitment, determination, perseverance, and endurance to take the initial step of getting out of the drug world, and moving towards running one of the hardest races you will ever run, in order to make it to the finish line successfully.

The past you have no control of, it’s done and gone, it’s already set in stone, and you cannot go back and change it. You have a choice you can either let the stone of the past roll over you and crush you into a pulp or you can get out of the stone’s way and escape its deadly effect. The future is wide open and you do have control over that, so make wise choices and take advantage of life’s opportunities, because what you make of the present will determine your future.

This is something that no one has control over, you do not get to decide what or who you look like, even with plastic surgery you can’t change your basic structure, you can tweak here or there but that’s all.

Again your mindset needs to change, stop telling yourself what you don’t like about your looks and tell of what you do like because your words have power, the more you speak positively the more you’ll believe it and the more you will be apt to change. Remember this saying; your thoughts determine your feelings and your feelings determine your action. For example (thought) you think you don’t look good, (feelings) feel down and depress, (action) shrink away into isolation and don’t want to be bothered with anyone; if someone ask you out the answer will always be no.

Reverse this scenario; be positive and confident without being cocky, tell yourself you look good and see the feelings it bring about, you’ll begin to feel sexy and desirous, your masculinity or femininity will come alive and you’ll begin to look forward to going out, showing off the new you, trying new things and having fun.

The way we think will always work itself out into our actions, so its best that you come into peace with yourself and start liking your unique looks, features, voice, or personality; whatever it is about you that you are constantly finding fault of and voicing it out loud, its time to stop and put the brakes on your mind and mouth.

Can’t change it so embrace it and let it work for you, take a look at models that are tall, their height is an asset not a liability it translates into dollars for them.

Height can be very flattering it’s has to do with how you carry yourselves and the way you dress. When you walk with confidence and wear flattering choice clothing, you will own yourself and everyone around you will stand up and take notice.

I must admit that I had a problem in this area for many years before my mindset was changed, and things were turned around positively for me. I have always been tall for my age, and I was on the heavy side as well, this didn’t help matters it only served to add to the problem of being tall and brought about issues of low self esteem.

I was very conscious of my height, as a matter of fact I hated being tall, it bothered me immensely especially when it came to relationships with men. I always felt uncomfortable with shorter men because I felt like their mother instead of their girlfriend, my mind was obsessed with thoughts of what other people was thinking, I would imagine them saying something like this, “why is he with her?  She’s so big and tall, what is he thinking?”

  My insecurity took me to dark places but I thank God for loosing me from those heavy chains of bondage, and setting me free to love myself and to be confident in who I am, my mindset changed because my character changed, and I no longer cared what people thought. Today I am confident and although my preference is taller men, I can be comfortable with a shorter person and still enjoy myself with them because I am all about the person themselves, and I am no longer hanged up on trivial matters.

No control as to what disease if any you will acquire, we know from our family history our predisposition to certain diseases, but it does not mean automatically you will end up with it. You can do all you can within your ability to change the out come, although it is not a guarantee but it can help delay the onset of certain diseases; some effective means of staying healthy is nutrition, a good balance diet and of course exercise, and vitamins. If the disease is already present you then follow medical regimen in addition to these other things, and above all have faith in God because He is our healer.

This is a sticky subject and one of the most difficult ones to undo because two hearts are intertwined, when someone else is involved, our emotions tend to over rule our common sense most of the time. The number one rule to remember here is that you cannot change a person especially when they do not want to be changed, so what’s left for you to do is to change yourself, change the type men/women you gravitate to, and the process by which you choose your mate.

When you are dissatisfied with a relationship because of whatever reason, and there is no hope of having a future with this person because of their committal phobias or their selfishness, then it’s time to say arividerchi, so-long or plain I’m out of here, goodbye.  Do not fool yourself into staying by thinking “oh! They’ll change or I can change them, it ain’t gonna happen, especially if you have invested a good amount of time in the relationship already.

Why stay into a relationship where you are emotionally void?  Learn to value yourself and move on, you do not have to stay with a person and take their crap when the relationship has run its course and there is no encouragement, satisfaction, nor future to be gained. You can do much better by yourself until someone else, hopefully “Mr. right for you” comes along, and this time around I suggest that you lead with your mind (intellect) and not with your heart (emotion).

Poverty is unfortunately a part of the world we live in and it is a crisis of epidemic proportion due to our current economic status. We can’t change it but we can make a difference in improving the situation and lives of others by our giving of time, energy and money. Maybe you are not at that level of poverty, but because of adverse circumstances beyond your control, you have been thrust into financial lock down. At this particular time you cannot make ends meet, so you will need to take a step back and look at things objectively then reevaluate your situation, and make the necessary adjustments accordingly.

Have you ever heard the phrase “if life gives you lemon then make lemonade” that’s telling you when life throws you a curve ball, something unexpected where things all of a sudden has shifted and have taken a turn for the worse, in response to these new changes you have to be flexible enough to shift gear midstream, and adapt instantly to a whole new set of circumstances.

You have to refocus your attention and make a plan of attack, take that lemon (the unexpected disaster), and see how you can repurpose it to fit your new situation positively and productively by letting it work for you.

Next step is one of action; this will require you to get up off your derriere, and boldly go towards that lemon, and grab it into your hands, and put it to work. In order to change things you have to actively participate in the event of the new creation, such as in the case of the lemon because the lemon is not going to get up by itself and squeeze itself in order to make you some lemonade.

You have to get up and gather all the necessary supply, such as the container in which to make the lemonade in, the sugar, lemon, and water, and then proceed to the next step in making the lemonade. Cut and squeeze the lemon through a strainer in order to separate the juice from the pulp and seed, Add the water and the sugar, stir and mix well until sweeten to your liking and put it to cool on ice, then you can stop, relax, and sit back while enjoying the fruits of your labor.

Making lemonade is a process, so is changing your life or circumstances, it takes effective planning, organization and strategizing in order to execute your plan and be successful.

Separate you’re “Do’s and your “Don’ts”

When you are able to successfully separate your do’s (the things you need to live comfortable) & your don’ts (the things that are unnecessary), you will eventually live a better quality of life because you are no longer rule by the emotions. There are many self help books out on the market that can help you find a sense of direction and get a leg up, so to speak in whatever area of life you need the help in, so get started today and change your life for the better.